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Dear Roze:

I worked with a guy for over six years until we were both handed pink slips over seven months ago because our employer was downsizing. I found a job a few months later, but he's still searching. He says he can't understand why he's not getting any offers, but he thinks all the companies that passed over him are 'screwed up.' I realize it's not unusual to say things like that when you're not being selected. He says he gets interviews, but it doesn't go past that. This guy has a huge ego and can be very abrasive. I think he's not getting any offers because he comes off arrogant when he's interviewing. I put up with it as best I could when we worked together, but it was no cake walk. I can't explain it, but I feel bad for him because I know what it feels like to lose your job. He asks for help with his resume and he picks my brain on job postings, but he's never come out and asked me what I think is the reason for him not getting any offers. I've been trying to be a decent friend and help him out, but I'm at a point where I think he needs to take a good look at himself and consider how he comes off. Should I say something?

Former co-worker needs to look in the mirror

Dear Former co-worker needs to look in the mirror:

I understand your thoughts and feelings about this guy. Although I believe you can never regret your actions when they are done with the best intentions, only you can determine whether or not you should provide him with constructive criticism. If you decide to talk to him, do not forget you will not have control over how he will perceive your words, but you may be able to increase the likelihood of your words being taken positively by incorporating these tips:
Do your best to communicate your genuine concern with sincerity
Identify some of the things this person does well when delivering the criticism
Make sure you are giving thoughtful, constructive feedback, not instruction
Provide specific suggestions for improvement

copyright 2014 Rozanne R. Worrell

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