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Love Bombing: When romantic gestures become manipulative and abusive

Narcissists and others often conceal their self-serving motives in relationships with attention and displays of affection. In the end, they leave the recipients feeling abused and devastated.

NORFOLK, Va. (WVEC) -- Romantic conversations, extravagant gifts, and lavish getaways may be there when a relationship starts and then grows. They add to the excitement of the experience. They make you feel so important, so valued, so loved. Who doesn't want to be loved?

In many cases, the grand expressions cover up something manipulative and toxic, something known as love bombing.

Narcissists and other types of people use the practice to build themselves up. They are selfish in the relationship, not selfless. They effectively take, rather than give, and once they've taken enough, they leave the person behind, often denigrated and devastated.

Dr. Jennifer Ripley a psychologist at Regent University said it involves using extravagant gestures and displays of affection very early in the relationship to gain power and control.

“Love bombing will go that real extra mile. They buy them expensive gifts and take them on expensive trips, and they are almost willing to do anything to create a relationship,” said Ripley.

The psychology community has adopted the term as a way to describe a type of toxic, manipulative affection. Dr. Ripley said ‘Love Bombing” is a fairly new concept, but some interesting research is being done to determine who love bombs, and who’s vulnerable to love bombing.

“Love bombers are people that pursue someone very actively, very romantically, and very quickly. So, in the course of a week, they might become very serious, and they are pursuing someone that they have an interest in with no holds barred. Narcissism seems to be one of the things that predicts that’s as well as an unstable sense of self,” said Ripley.

Ripley said insecurity is often a predictor for falling for love bombing. She suggests friends and family look out for red flags.

“The people that love them, their family and their friends should be able to watch as they create new relationships," said Ripley. "Is this person respecting their boundaries, is this person respecting other relationships in their life? A real red flag would be that the person is coming on very strong and very quickly and trying to isolate the person and really pulling them away from their family and friends.”

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